Discovery
by HPloveisreallove
Summary: Crushes tend to happen amongst best friends, right? SLASH JP/SB, some SB/RL, and implied JP/LE
1. Inner Turmoil

For once James didn't know what to do. He was conflicted to his very core. One path was very clear; he could walk away from everything he had believed, everything he had previously known to be true. The other path was easier, but at the same time so much more difficult. It required him to abandon his newly found feelings. He sat, huddled on the hard floor of his dormitory, not wanting to sleep even though time was now slowly slipping into the next day. His head sagged onto his folded arms from exhaustion, but he couldn't sleep. Every time he tried he only managed to doze lightly, waking up mere minutes later because his mind refused to turn off. It would only dwell on his waking thoughts, which were frustrating to begin with.

James threw his head back against the wall, purposely hitting it as hard as he could to do anything that might distract him from his thoughts. He was rewarded for a few brief seconds, while he blinked the stars out of his eyes he wasn't thinking about _him_, but when the stars were gone the pain in his head was only added to the much worse ache that had been with him for the past few months. He wasn't sure how he wanted to feel about that particular pain just yet, but before he could really think about it his alarm went off. It obviously thought he was going to sleep during the night, and that it would need to wake him up in the morning so he could get ready for his morning class.

_How wrong it was, _he thought wryly.

He walked back to the stand next to his four-poster bed to shut it off. Yet another sleepless night. If he carried on like this he was going to drive himself crazy. Not that he hadn't already started, but tacking on exhaustion to his problems was only going to make things worse. He couldn't help it though; when he slept, _if _he could get to sleep in the first place anyway, then he dreamed. And the dreams only further complicated matters.

The clothes he pulled off now were from the day before. He hadn't even bothered to change, knowing full well he wasn't going to sleep much, if at all. While he contemplated how long he could go without sleep he picked out what he was going to wear that day. He grabbed the first shirt he came to, thinking how he would just throw his robes on over it anyway, when his stomach lurched unpleasantly. It was a shirt Sirius had bought him last year. For a few seconds James just stood there, wanting to throw the shirt to the side. But there was no reason to take his anger out on the shirt, no reason to _be _angry for that matter. So he put the shirt down and grabbed a different shirt.

_This is going to be harder than I thought it would be, _he thought as he walked down to breakfast.

- - - - - - -

James had many friends in his classes, but had become close friends with only Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Of course there was also Lily, who had only just started being pleasant to him for a change. Hardly anyone glanced twice at her – with all the students that went to school there she went easily unnoticed. James, on the other hand, sought her out. He had been practically obsessed with her for the past few years, but his recently found feelings made even that more complicated. To him she was now a source of comfort. He hadn't told her everything that was going on with him, not entirely anyway, but he had a suspicion that she knew a bit more than he had actually told her. When he had first thought of this he had been surprised to realize he didn't really care.

Now as James walked into the Great Hall he scanned the Gryffindor table for her. Once he saw her he made his way toward her and sat down next to her. He was looking for any reason to distract him from his dilemma.

"Hey!" She said, and quickly wrapped her arms around his middle in a warm, friendly hug. Then she looked up at his face. She frowned, and as she pulled away from him her forehead wrinkled. "You look like hell, James. Did you sleep last night?"

James shrugged. "Not really."

Lily sighed. "James…"

"I know, I know. It's just – hard."

"I understand, but you're gonna drive yourself to the point of massacring people here at school if you don't start sleeping soon."

Now it was James's turn to sigh. "I know, I've thought of that."

Lily looked incredulous. "You've thought of massacring people here?"

"Oh, God no," he laughed and she smiled. "You know what I meant."

"True, but I did get you to laugh. And besides, the zombie look doesn't really work for you."

James helped himself to some breakfast while Lily, who had just finished, started talking about various things. She talked about some tests that were coming up in her classes and her fears about whether she would pass them or not, and James kept himself purposely focused on her so his mind wouldn't go back to the place he knew it would.

Unfortunately, Lily couldn't be fooled for long. "James, come on, talk. I can tell something is bothering you." When he didn't respond she continued, "It's not healthy to keep your emotions in like this." He still didn't respond, so she continued to prod. "Please tell me what's wrong."

James just continued to eat, so Lily grabbed his arm to stop his fork from reaching his mouth. James stopped, looked at her determined face, and then glanced at the nearly full table around them. "Fine. I'll tell you what's going on, but I think you already know part of it," he added accusingly. She just shrugged, so he continued, "But not here. Not with all these people."

Lily nodded. "At lunch then. You _will _tell me what's going on."

- - - - - - -

James spent the rest of the morning with his mind drifting in and out of class, never really paying attention, wishing he would suddenly get violently sick so he could get out with a good excuse, just to avoid Sirius, who had every class with him. Not to mention lunch with Lily. He didn't mind her knowing what was going on, but he didn't really know how to explain stuff to her when he couldn't explain it to himself.

Suddenly people all around him were moving, and he guessed the class must have ended. His stomach twisted horribly – it was lunchtime. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey mate, lunchtime! Let's go grab a seat."

"Actually, I kinda told Lily I would sit with her." James hoped Sirius couldn't hear how nervous he sounded.

"Oh, I get ya! Good luck, I'll find Moony and Wormtail then."

James watched Sirius walk out of the class and then he gathered his things. After he had dropped off his bag in the dormitory he made his way down to the Great Hall, where Lily was already waiting for him.

"I thought it might be easier for you to talk to me if we went for a walk." James was only able to nod, and before they could leave Sirius walked by with Remus and Peter. He gave James a thumbs-up and winked. Then, thankfully, Lily spoke again as they walked out of the front doors. "I know this is going to be hard for you, so I'll try to make it as easy as possible. I know a bit more about this than I think you know I do." She searched his face but it was blank, so she was right in her guess. She continued, "You've told me about how your friendship with Sirius has changed, and at first I didn't think anything of it, but as I got to know you better you started to let things slip." She hesitated, not knowing how to say what she wanted to say next, then sighed and just plowed on. "I know you have feelings for him, James. And don't get me wrong, of course it doesn't bother me or anything. Just tell me about the first time you realized you might like him. You haven't told me that, so let's just start there."

James didn't show any emotion as she said all this. Part of him had realized she knew, but he had never really thought about it before to decide if he cared or not. He sighed and thought of her prompt – the first time he had realized he liked Sirius.

"Well, there wasn't really a single moment, or event or anything like that. I just realized that I had been thinking of him quite a bit, and after a while I started thinking of that, which would just lead to me thinking of him again," he paused. "I guess after a while I started to realize how much I enjoyed just spending time with him. And," he perked up a bit, remembering one occasion that had triggered some of the realization, "there was this time, after I heard he was bi, where I started noticing some of the things he would do around me. Simple things, you know, putting his arm around me when we played pranks or something, and some of the things he would say when we were just joking around or if someone else was joking and said something about us 'hooking up.' It was nothing, you know, just little things."

Lily was silent, taking everything in and not wanting to interrupt. When James finally took a minute to continue she figured he was done, or at least unsure of what to say next, and she thought it was safe to inject her opinion. "But wait a sec, James, you said you noticed stuff that he was doing. Right?"

"Yeah."

"So, wouldn't that mean he might be interested in you too?"

James hesitated. "I hadn't really thought about that."

"But, so what's the problem? If he likes you, and you like him –"

"But I don't know that I do. I'm just not totally sure."

"Well, I suppose that's something you need to figure out."

"No shit."

"Ha ha. Seriously though, James. And," she added, "you should probably figure out exactly how he feels."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"Erm, ask."

James stared at her, his mouth open, "I can't do that! Why would I just ask him something like that?"

"Ok, ok. Breathe, James. Just bring it up casually. Or say you heard someone say he was gay - "

"He's bi."

"Hold on, I'm not done. Tell him you heard someone say he was gay, and you were just wondering if it was true. If he's straight he'll most likely tell you and if he's bi he might admit to it."

James was hesitant. "I don't know."

"Isn't it worth a shot?"

"I suppose. But what if…" James trailed off, unsure if he really wanted to voice his question out loud.

"What, James? You can ask me."

James sighed again. "What if he doesn't like me?"

Lily felt like laughing, but knew better than to do that. "James, that's how people feel all the time."

- - - - - - -

That night Sirius had to serve detention with Filch. James was lying on his bed thinking about things. The talk with Lily really helped. James admitted to himself that Lily's idea was good: he would have to bring up the question somehow. Before he talked to Sirius though he needed to figure out how exactly he felt about him. It didn't take as long as he thought it would, which was the reason he had put it off for so long, or so he kept telling himself. But as he thought things through he realized that he had really been putting it off because he was just afraid to admit to himself that he really did have feelings for Sirius. He didn't know how strong they were, but at least he had figured out part of it.

He sighed, not having anything to do to distract himself from waiting for Sirius to get back from his detention. It was almost 9:30, so Filch couldn't possibly keep him much longer. He waited impatiently, and suddenly he heard Sirius say his name. James jumped and looked around. His two-way mirror was glowing. He seized it and held it up to his face. Why hadn't he thought of the mirror?

"Hey, what's up?" James said into the mirror, where he could suddenly see Sirius's face. "How much longer is Filch gonna keep ya?"

"Oh I don't know, I think he's really irritated about some second years who talked Peeves into locking Filch in a broom cupboard. Needless to say I am suffering some very ill-aimed aggression."

James laughed. "But I see you're not too busy to talk."

"I always make time for my friends," Sirius said with a smile. There was something odd about that smile.

"What have you done?" James asked his best friend with a sigh.

"Well, I _might _have talked Peeves into locking Mrs. Norris in a broom cupboard, in order to draw Filch away for a while."

James roared with laughter. "He's gonna skin you, ya know."

"He won't know it was me, Peeves promised not to say anything." There was a twinkle in Sirius's eye that he got whenever he was up to no good. James loved it. "So what about you? What happened with Lily at lunch?"

"Oh er – not a lot. Mostly we talked."

Sirius groaned sympathetically. "Bad luck, Prongs."

"Yeah, well we actually overheard someone talking about you." James thought that if he just said it, just got it out there, that it might be easier to continue. Now that he had said it, though, he wished he could take it back.

"Yeah? What were they saying?"

"Well, there was a group of girls by the lake, and one of them was complaining about how she thought you were the best looking guy in the school – and that it really sucked that you were gay. And when she saw me she said I should 'straighten you out' so she had a shot." So it hadn't happened at lunch, but James actually did have someone come up and tell him that.

Sirius could barely breathe he was laughing so hard. "Straighten me out," he repeated in between gasps for air.

James laughed nervously. "Yeah, I didn't really know how to respond to that."

"Well," James could swear he saw Sirius wipe tears from his eyes, "if you see her again I suppose you could tell her she has a chance because I'm only bi, not gay." He laughed some more, then added, "Wait, how old was she?"

"Er – first or second year, I think." She had been quite tiny, James thought.

"Oh, well in that case I guess she's got a very small chance, since I'm so much older."

James hesitated, not sure what to say next. Sirius must have sensed something though.

"What's wrong?"

"You're really bi?" James asked, unable to help himself. He hadn't meant to say it so bluntly, but that was how it sounded out loud.

Sirius, however, only looked a little surprised. "You didn't know?"

"Well, not for sure, since you've never actually told me that before, but I had heard rumors…"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, no, but – "

"James I gotta go, I think I can hear Filch coming back. We can talk more when I get back, ok?"

"Yeah, sure." James's mirror was suddenly blank, as Sirius had closed his side of the conversation. He really didn't want to talk about this face-to-face with Sirius, so James did his best to fall asleep before Sirius returned from his detention. When the dormitory door finally opened some time later, Sirius heard James's snores and felt a moment of disappointment.


	2. So it Begins

James wasted no time the next day at lunch in telling Lily the conversation between him and Sirius. She was extremely happy for him, but James couldn't help but notice that she did sound a little off. He didn't know what the problem was, and when he asked her she had said she was fine and asked him when he was going to talk to Sirius again. James told her he didn't know, because he had left the dormitory before James was awake, and he hadn't been at breakfast. She smiled, still lost in thought over something, and continued eating her lunch.

That night James waited in the common room for Sirius, and he finally showed up around 9:00. James didn't want to seem too eager to talk to him about last night's conversation again, so he waited for Sirius to broach the subject first. Sirius started in on homework immediately, a clear warning sign, and their very casual conversation consisted only of them asking each other questions about the work. James grew bored of this after awhile and went to bed.

A couple weeks before winter break James got a letter during breakfast from his parents, asking if he was going to come home for Christmas. He hadn't made plans otherwise, so he wrote back to them saying he would. He turned to ask Remus what he was doing for Christmas, and he noticed a very gloomy look on Sirius's face. They still hadn't continued their conversation from that one night, and although they hung out like usual their friendship felt too formal. Despite this, James knew this wasn't the reason for Sirius's mood. James would be going to his cozy home, Remus to his loving parents, and even Peter had travelling plans with his family, but Sirius would be going back to his pure-blood crazy parents and his prejudiced brother.

"Hey, Padfoot, why don't ya come round my place this Christmas?" James couldn't bear to see him so miserable.

Immediately Sirius's expression cleared. "Really? Are you sure? You're parents won't mind?"

"You know they won't, you're like a son to them." Sirius's ecstatic face made James's heart throb.

So James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter shared a compartment on the Hogwarts Express as it took them to Platform 9 ¾ for the break. The four of them joked nonstop the whole ride, and when the lady came by with snacks they all bought a substantial amount of sweets and shared them around. It was one of the first times they had all had so much fun for awhile, and the absence of school was definitely a part of it. Lily walked by when there was less than an hour left, stopped and waved when she noticed James, and looked pointedly at Sirius. James just smiled and tipped her a wink, and she walked off. Peter laughed nervously, and James prepared himself for Sirius's teasing, but Sirius only cleared his throat and looked out the window, with a somewhat confused and moody look on his face.

James saw his parents waiting outside the platform, and they greeted Sirius very warmly.

"Sirius, I'm sorry but my sister decided to stay with us until after Christmas," James's mother told him, "so she's taken the spare bedroom."

"It's fine, Mrs. Potter," Sirius told her. "I can sleep on the floor in James's room."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, it's not a problem."

So they had folded some blankets on the floor of James's room for Sirius to use when they got to the house, but before either went to sleep they sat on James's bed and talked. James apologized for Sirius having to sleep on the floor, and Sirius responded by throwing a pillow at him and telling him to stop apologizing. After that Sirius asked about Lily, and James told him how she had helped him through a lot. Sirius nodded, not paying much attention, and the next thing James knew they were kissing.

James woke the next morning and realized instantly that Sirius hadn't slept on the floor he had slept in James's bed. As soon as he realized this he also realized someone's hand was on his bare chest, and when he looked to his right he saw Sirius was lying on his side, facing James, also shirtless and fast asleep. James took a deep breath and tried to remember what had happened the previous night. He could remember sitting on his bed with Sirius and joking with him. Then he remembered the kiss. Sirius had leaned in and kissed James full on the mouth, to which James had reacted by ripping off Sirius's shirt. Sirius had responded in kind, but after that James was having problems separating reality from what had happened in his dreams.

He shifted slightly, not wanting to wake Sirius, but Sirius opened his eyes regardless.

"Morning, sunshine," he said with a smile, and started stroking James's chest lightly.

James was a bit more hesitant with his response. "Um, morning. Sirius we didn't…I mean did we…?" He trailed off, unsure of how to voice his question.

Sirius chuckled. "James, relax. All we did was kiss." Then he looked nervously at James's face. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"Um, no. I guess not." James's head was still spinning, and he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Sirius laughed again. "How can you not remember what happened?"

"Well I remember the kiss, but after I fell asleep things didn't exactly…" he trailed off, not sure how to put it.

"Cool down?" Sirius suggested.

James laughed. "I suppose that's one way to put it."

James was silent then, and Sirius propped himself up on his elbow so could look at James better. Then he leaned in again, but paused a few inches from James's face. James could feel Sirius's hot breath on his lips and he closed his eyes, waiting for Sirius to close the gap. He could have done it himself, but he was too nervous. Then he felt Sirius's lips on his own: warm and soft. Even though the kiss only lasted for a few seconds James thought he could almost feel an electric current surging through the two of them, searching for an outlet to escape into. But Sirius pulled away, studying James's face and looking for more of the nervousness. But James was over that now all that was on his face was longing, and he pushed Sirius onto his back and leaned over him, his own hand stroking Sirius's chest as he ran his lips across Sirius's throat. Sirius moaned pleasantly, urging James on, and James kissed Sirius with more vigor than before, parting Sirius's lips with his tongue.

They laid in each other's arms like that for a while, just kissing, when James finally sighed and said they should get ready for breakfast.

"Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

"Erm, would you mind if we didn't tell people about this?"

James watched as Sirius put on a shirt. "No that's fine. I kinda wanted to figure some stuff out anyway before I started telling people."

Sirius sighed in relief. "I hoped you would say that. Thanks, I just don't want a serious relationship right now."

"It's cool." James pulled a shirt on and once his head was out Sirius placed his hands on James's shoulders and bent down to kiss James again. James returned the kiss eagerly, reaching his hands out to place them on Sirius's back. A little while later they broke apart, both breathing hard, and they walked downstairs for breakfast.


	3. Tension

It was just a few days after Christmas, and James's aunt was still at the Potter's house (scheduled to go home later that day) and James and Sirius were enjoying some alone time in James's room, under the pretense of needing to get some homework done. This wasn't exactly a lie, as they really did need to do some homework, but James was finding it especially hard to concentrate. His eyes kept wandered over to Sirius, sitting less than a foot away from him, and he saw that Sirius was already staring hungrily at him. Both leaned in and kissed, but only for a second because James's mother had called Sirius's name from downstairs. James pulled back reluctantly, and watched Sirius as he left the room.

Ever since that first night together James and Sirius hadn't left each other's side. Unfortunately, the house was rarely empty, and the only alone time the two had together was at night, but Sirius would have to take the spare bedroom once James's aunt left, because that's where he usually slept and they didn't want James's parents to get suspicious. Sometimes they got lucky, like when the adults would go to somewhere and leave them at the house alone for a few hours. Those times were James's favorites. He and Sirius had passed kissing and had moved on to exploring the rest of each other's bodies, which usually led to events they never would have attempted if the house wasn't empty.

When Sirius got back James had gone back to his homework, but he hadn't made much progress. He started to ask Sirius what his mother had wanted, and glanced up in the middle of the sentence to see Sirius staring at him. Sirius closed the door and locked it, while James moved his homework back onto the desk. The second he had Sirius was on him, kissing him more passionately than he usually did. James kissed Sirius back eagerly, his hands in his friend's hair and pulling him as close as possible without forcing Sirius to kneel on his chair. Sirius's hand was on James's knee, but he was slowly moving it up James's thigh. James moaned in expectation, which aroused Sirius more, and Sirius unzipped James's pants and slid his hand inside.

"James? Your father, aunt, and I are going out for a couple hours to do some shopping and then dinner. Would you and Sirius like to come with?"

James and Sirius had jumped rather badly. Fortunately James's mother had only knocked on the door, rather than tried to come in. He took a deep breath before answering, trying to calm himself.

"Well, we still have an awful lot of homework to do. I wouldn't want to go back to Hogwarts without finishing it."

"Okay, there's food in the fridge for the two of you. We'll be back later, have fun." James heard his mother walk back downstairs and then the distinct sounds of three people Disapparating. He looked over at Sirius, who was smiling.

"Are you sure you want to stay here and do homework?" Sirius teased.

But now James had adrenaline pumping through him, and he paid no attention to Sirius's remark as he pulled Sirius onto his lap, Sirius's legs straddling James. James reclined in the chair, sliding his hands up Sirius's back and pulling him closer. Sirius tried positioning himself so he could get as close as possible to James, but as he shifted his weight the chair suddenly toppled over backwards. Their heads hit as they fell, but they were both laughing.

"Maybe I was a little overeager," Sirius admitted. James laughed again and Sirius continued, "It's a good thing we're the only ones here." James just smiled in agreement, and that pushed Sirius over the edge. He leaned down and kissed James, noticing that he was now in a much better position, even if it was a lot less comfortable. James started unbuttoning Sirius's shirt, but he was going far too slow for Sirius's taste, so Sirius pulled it off, even though half the buttons were still fastened, and threw it across the room. He then started climbing ungracefully out of the chair, pulling James with him, and James rolled over on top of Sirius. This gave Sirius the chance to pull James's shirt off of him, and once he did he sat up and started kissing James's bare chest. James let him continue for a bit, then he pulled Sirius towards his bed, which they both collapsed onto and continued their fun.

The car ride to King's Cross was unusually quiet. Not because either of them felt awkward, but because they both had no idea how things would be once they were surrounded by people again. James was looking forward to seeing Lily, mostly because she had sent him numerous messages over the break asking how things were going and James had promised to tell her everything just to get her to stop sending them. But he knew that once he launched into the story about his break he would get lost as he revisited every experience with Sirius, and he knew Lily would be happy for him.

Sirius, on the other hand, was not particularly happy to see James get so excited about talking to a girl, though he would never admit that to James. He didn't usually mind when James talked to Lily, or any girl for that matter, but Lily had also spent years despising James and suddenly at the start of this school year, their sixth, she had started paying more attention to him. Still, Sirius couldn't help but be happy when James was so happy. He supposed that was why he felt so strongly towards him. Sirius had imagined a first kiss with James almost every day since their conversation with the two-way mirrors. This had created some awkward tension between them, but luckily James hadn't seemed to notice. He had imagined the scene going smoothly and also the chance that it would be a lot less smooth. When they had finally kissed, it was nothing like Sirius had imagined it to be. It was better. Sirius was surprised that when he initiated the kiss James had not only allowed it, but had actually joined in eagerly. In fact, James's enthusiasm at removing Sirius's shirt had aroused him deeply, but he knew better than to push it too far on the first night.

Sirius smiled at the memory and ran his left hand through his hair. He let his hand fall down to his side, and felt James take it eagerly, lacing their fingers together, but then drop it just as soon lest his parents notice anything. Sirius looked over at James, still smiling, and saw that James was smiling too, but with an expression that was a bit more pained.

King's Cross was crowded, as usual, and they had decided not to show any affection in the station to avoid any comments from James's parents or any students they happened to see. They said goodbye to James's parents outside of the station, Sirius thanking them for letting him stay, then they pushed their trolleys inside and toward the barrier. Almost the second they were through they heard someone yell out.

"James!" Lily was running toward them, her red hair a forest fire streaming out behind her. She threw herself into James's incredibly surprised arms, and Sirius had to control a stab of jealousy and suspicion. Lily pulled away and smiled brightly at Sirius. "Hey, Sirius!" She hugged him too, but with much less vigor. Then she looked excitedly at James. "Come on, you have to sit with me, I want to hear about your break!" She looked expectantly at Sirius too, but he was determined not to be in the same compartment with the two of them.

"Go on, James. I should see if Moony and Wormatil are here yet." And with that he turned around looking for them. James took Sirius's desire not to be with him as a hint not to tell Lily they were together. He was disappointed, but he remembered promising not to tell anyone, so he walked off with Lily, giving Sirius a sad little wave.

Sirius watched as James walked off with Lily, not moving, barely breathing, until James was on the train and out of sight. He looked around the station for his other two friends, suddenly feeling very upset about not being with James. He didn't understand why, they would see each other again that night before bed, and they would see each other every day, but it wouldn't be the same as it had been during the break. Obviously he cared about James, they were best friends who were now in some kind of relationship. But Sirius hadn't wanted a serious relationship. He hadn't counted on feeling this strongly about anyone, let alone James. Watching James walk off with Lily had been awful, though, and Sirius felt a horrible tug on his heart. He didn't feel like he had watched a friend walk away; he felt like half of himself had gone away.


	4. Unbidden Jeaslousy

Lily wasn't happy with James. Sirius had agreed to let James tell Lily about them, and what had happened during the break, as long as he left out the details. Not that Lily wanted to hear the details anyway, and at first she was glad James was happy and that things had worked out so well. After a few weeks, however, she began to disapprove. James never stopped talking about Sirius; he obsessed over him all day, constantly spacing out while he remembered a specific time from the break. Lily didn't think the way he was acting was healthy.

"You need to get a hobby or something, James," she had told him almost every day. "Do you really think Sirius would be happy that you don't have any hobbies or even a life now, thanks to him?"

"I have a hobby, I play Quidditch," he almost always retorted.

Lily almost always had the same comeback to that. "Yes, and in case you haven't noticed, you've been injured more times since the break than you had been all last year."

It was true that James was getting hit by bludgers much more frequently than he was used to, but that was the price you paid when your attention was somewhere else. So James had continued obsessing over Sirius, waiting impatiently for the next time they would sneak down a secret passage for some alone time. Sirius didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, he was just as eager to see James.

Lily had stopped talking to James as often as she used to, because the only thing James wanted to talk about was Sirius, and she was sick of hearing it. James wasn't that surprised when he saw her spending time with a new guy almost every day, even if he was a seventh year. He figured they must be dating, and he felt bad that he couldn't be there for her when she was so happy. But he couldn't help but talk about Sirius. He missed his friendship with Lily, but as long as she didn't want to tolerate his relationship with Sirius, James didn't see any way to compromise.

The school year finally ended, and Lily had come up to James on the platform to say goodbye, but it was without any real enthusiasm. She hugged him briefly, gave him a sad smile, then without actually saying anything she walked back to her boyfriend and he slipped his arm around her shoulders. At King's Cross James said goodbye to his friends, lingering over his hug with Sirius for a few moments longer. Sirius would not be coming over to his house for some time, as he had to go home. During the summer they both talked to each other using the two-way mirrors, and each time they did James couldn't help but notice that Sirius was growing increasingly moody. _No doubt things at home aren't going well, _James thought, and he offered every time for Sirius to come over for a while. Every time Sirius refused, saying he didn't think his mother would approve.

Then one day in the middle of July, Sirius called James's name through the mirror. He had seemed ecstatic about something, and while James talked to him he wondered what it was. When Sirius didn't say anything James asked him if something was up, to which Sirius had said something about a vacation he would be taking the next week, but that he didn't have all the plans figured out yet. Both of them admitted how much they wanted to see the other, and eventually they said goodbye.

The following Saturday was depressing for James. He knew Sirius was on his vacation and James didn't want to bother him if things were going well. If things weren't going well Sirius would surely contact him. James was by himself and lying on the couch, gazing at the ceiling. He thought he might write to Lily and see if they could make amends. He had no idea what plans she had for the break, but he thought that she was most likely doing something with her new guy. For some reason the thought made James slightly jealous.

The doorbell rang, and James got up from the couch to answer it, not really caring who it was. When he opened the door and saw Sirius standing there his knees nearly gave out.

"Hey, mate," Sirius said with a smile.

James didn't know how to respond. He took a tentative step forward, then flung his arms around Sirius and planted a bruising kiss on his friend's lips, which Sirius returned just as eagerly while laughing into the kiss. James pulled Sirius inside, still kissing, barely registering that Sirius was carrying a rucksack, and slammed the door. Once inside they broke apart, and James finally asked his question.

"I thought you were taking a vacation?" He asked while he tried to smooth his breathing.

"I am on vacation. I've run away, and was rather hoping I could crash here for a bit," Sirius answered, grinning widely.

James couldn't take it anymore, and he wrapped his arms around Sirius and started kissing him again. In a matter of seconds they had both removed the other one's shirt and James pulled Sirius down onto the couch.

"Will either of your parents be home soon?" Sirius asked as he undid James's pants.

"Not for another five hours," James answered, stripping off Sirius's pants.

James's parents didn't mind Sirius staying with them, and told him to stay as long as he wanted to. They had never cared for his parents and their pure-blood nonsense, but they would never admit it out loud. Almost two weeks later they were laying in James's bed, both lost in their thoughts. Sirius was lying next to James, his head resting on James's chest and James running his fingers through Sirius's hair, while they talked. James confided in Sirius about Lily and her new guy, and Sirius listened willingly enough, but James's jealous tone was getting on Sirius's nerves. He needed to know, and there was really only one way to find out.

"James, I need to ask you something."

"What?"

"Exactly how do you feel about Lily?"

James was surprised to hear the question come out with such an accusatory tone, and it made him catch the real meaning behind it. He raised his hand off of Sirius's hair and Sirius raised his head to look James in the eyes, wanting to know that James was telling the truth and that he had nothing to worry about.

"Sirius, I won't lie, I care about her very, very much. She was the only one I could talk to about you, before and after I had figured out how I felt about you. She really helped me, but I love her only as a friend." He paused to let that sink in. "You believe me, right?"

Sirius sighed. "Of course, I just wanted to hear you say it." He hesitated. They were talking about Lily, maybe he could just bring it up? "Do you know how she feels about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on James. Can't you see the way she looks at you? She doesn't just want a friendship."

"But but she's dating Luke…"

"James, Luke's gay."

James would have laughed if Sirius didn't look so…well, serious. "What are you talking about?"

Sirius sighed again. "Remus told me he was gay. When I told him I thought you were unhappy with Lily's new friend."

James shook his head slightly, not to disagree with this information, but rather like he was hoping it would make things make sense. "But then…that means they're not dating…" Sirius raised his eyebrows at James. James cleared his throat and tried to make Sirius's accusing look disappear. "Why didn't she tell me? Why did Remus tell you?"

"I just asked, mate." Sirius sighed yet again. James was acting exactly how he didn't want him to. Why was he taking this so badly? "Look, forget I said anything. It doesn't change anything." When James didn't respond right away Sirius got nervous. "Does it?"

"Not between us, of course not." He started stroking Sirius's hair again, absentmindedly. Sirius leaned back down on James's shoulder.

"But it changes something between you and Lily, right?"

"Well, yes and no. It does change something, but not the way I think you're thinking of."

"And what do you think I'm thinking of?"

"You think I secretly like her."

"Not secretly "

"Subconsciously, then. As in, I don't even know it myself."

"Yeah. But I didn't really think you liked her, I just wondered. You were very jealous when you thought she was dating Luke."

"I suppose I was. I don't know, though, I thought it was because I was jealous she was spending more time with him than with me."

"That's not very different."

"No, it is. I didn't care that she was seeing him, I just wanted our friendship back. I have you, Remus, and Peter, sure, but you know how I used to feel about her, and she had finally started talking to me."

For some reason Sirius didn't feel like this was helping. On the contrary, everything James was saying was making him angrier. He stood up and James looked up at him in alarm. "I think " His voice stuck in his throat. He cleared it and tried again. "I think I need to go for a walk."

"Sirius? What's wrong?"

Sirius was already walking towards the door. James followed, but made no attempt to stop him. Sirius was thankful for that, he didn't want to be even angrier at him.

"Will you come back here?"

That made Sirius stop with his hand on the door. James hadn't asked when, but if he would come back at all. Sirius realized how much his leaving would hurt James, but he needed to get out. He turned around and said, "Yes," then he walked out the door.

James didn't know what time Sirius would come back, but he told his parents that Sirius had wanted to go out for a while. Finally James had fallen asleep around 1:30 in the morning waiting for Sirius to come back and wondering what he was doing and if he was even okay. He was barely asleep when he heard his bedroom door open. He didn't look up, but he could tell from the smell that wherever he had gone Sirius had been drinking. James heard Sirius take off his jacket and jeans before he got into bed, and when James felt him sit on the bed and make no attempt to lie down did James finally move. He sat up, putting his arms around Sirius and resting his forehead on his back. Sirius pulled James's arms tighter around himself.

"James, I'm so sorry I left."

"Why are you apologizing? I made you leave."

"You did not. I got up and walked out."

"Yeah, but only because I made you mad. And I'm sorry for that."

"Let's just Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?"

"Sounds good to me." James pulled Sirius down to the bed and curled himself around him as tight as he could. Sirius didn't object, and he soon fell dead asleep. James lay awake a while longer, thinking.


	5. A Confession

It was the next morning and James woke up to hear the shower running. He also discovered that he was alone in his bed, so he assumed Sirius was the one in the shower. Sitting on his bed he rested his head in his hands. How was he supposed to make a decision this soon?

Suddenly the shower shut off. That meant that Sirius hadn't just gotten in, as James had thought. Now he was really nervous. Maybe he would just see what kind of mood Sirius was in before he made any decision. He definitely didn't want to end things with Sirius, he just needed to know that he wasn't going to run off if they argued again - and that he was in the same place as James.

"Hey."

James jumped a little, startled by Sirius standing suddenly right behind him. When James turned around his plans were driven out of his mind because Sirius was wearing nothing but towel, which hung loosely around his waist.

"Hey," James said. Sirius sat next to James on the bed, trying very hard to keep the smile off his face.

"I'm sorry about last night," Sirius said, fixing his towel so that it still covered him as he sat down.

"Yeah me too."

"I thought we decided you weren't at fault?"

"We never decided anything like that."

"I did."

"You're not going to drop this, are you?" James asked with a playful smile.

"You might be able to make me," Sirius said, also grinning.

James took the hint and pushed Sirius onto the bed, roughly. He then started kissing Sirius all over his chest, but not lightly, and after every few kisses he would bite Sirius somewhere and leave a mark. Sirius liked a little roughness now and then, and he couldn't help a few moans from escaping his lips. After a few minutes Sirius felt James pushing his towel up slowly.

"You ready to drop it now?" James asked. He was hoping Sirius would say no.

Sirius grinned mischievously. "No." And then James started biting the inside of his thigh….

A week into August and James's parents had taken the two boys to Diagon Alley to get their school things. James still hadn't managed to find a chance to talk to him. Not that James hadn't tried, but the closer it got to the day they had to leave for school, the longer the two of them stayed shut up in James's room. It wasn't exactly as if James could talk to him during these times, his mouth was usually busy doing something else.

James hated to possibly ruin their last couple weeks together, but he really needed to talk to Sirius. So after dinner while they were getting ready for bed he finally brought it up.

"Hey, Sirius? I need to ask you a question."

"Okay," Sirius sounded hesitant. "What's up?"

"Well, I was thinking…after that night…you know, when - "

"When I left?" Sirius suggested. His eyes downcast.

"Well - yeah. Um, after that I did some thinking, and I need to know where you are." James paused, needing to clarify himself but not knowing how to say what he wanted to. "Where you are…with us, I mean."

James heard Sirius sigh slowly. "You're just bringing this up now?"

"Well, you kind of distracted me since then…" James smiled weakly but felt it falter.

Sirius noticed, and he wanted to make this easier for James. "Well, I really care about you, you know that. But…"

James frowned. "But…?"

"I guess I just don't want a serious relationship. I told you that to begin with, but I never expected to feel this strongly about you. But…I still don't want a serious relationship. I just don't feel…I don't know…"

James nodded slowly. "I thought you felt that way. I'm sorry, but I think I want something serious."

"With me?" Sirius asked disbelievingly.

"With anyone, but since I'm with you, you would be the best idea." James was trying to add a joking tone to his voice, but Sirius picked up on the more meaningful words.

Sirius thought he would ask the most obvious question. "So…where does that leave us?"

"Well, I guess that leaves us as just friends. Doesn't it?"

"I guess so." Sirius was trying to put on a brave front, but he felt like his voice might start cracking soon. He needed air again, but knew better than to leave like last time. This time he wasn't angry, he just didn't want James to see him break down if that was going to happen.

"This is going to be awkward, isn't it?" James had sat silently watching Sirius, and he saw how Sirius was hurting. Not that James wasn't, but he wanted to pretend he was stronger than this.

"Probably…for a bit," Sirius admitted. It was the truth, anyway.

"Do you still want to stay here? I can help pay for an apartment or something…"

"No, don't worry about it, it won't be that awkward. I'll just sleep in the spare room. That's where your parents think I sleep anyway."

"Maybe…"

Sirius looked up at James finally. "Maybe what?"

"Never mind, I was just - "

"Maybe _what_, Prongs?" Sirius had hoped the nickname would bring a more casual tone to the conversation, and it seemed to have worked.

"I was gonna say…maybe we could have a last night together? Or would that be too awkward?"

Sirius smiled and almost laughed. "That might actually take away some of the awkwardness."

"You think?" James asked, eager now.

"Well, only one way to find out, right?" And with that they fell back on James's bed.


	6. Lingering Feelings

Sirius wasn't sure about this party. It was their seventh and final year, and James had suggested a Christmas party like no other in the Room of Requirement. Half the people staying for the holidays had been invited, and Sirius was still staying with James so he couldn't say he was going home as an excuse not to go. Things weren't at all awkward between him and James, which was a relief. It sounded like a lot of fun, Sirius had to admit that. The problem was that he knew James would come with Lily - it seemed the two were together now, and although Sirius didn't really mind, the thought didn't really put him in a party mood.

Remus wasn't really looking forward to the party either. It was close to the full moon, not close enough that they would need to worry about any kind of accident, but close enough that Remus was often moody and sullen. James had stressed that the event be a formal occasion. "It would please Lily" was what he told them at breakfast one day, and Sirius and Remus had glowered at him while they ordered new dress robes. Peter, on the other hand, always looked forward to a chance to meet girls so he didn't have a problem with the party at all.

_I can't believe I'm doing this,_ Sirius thought, as he and Remus dressed in their dormitory. Remus was worrying over his new robes, thinking that the black made him look too pale. In Sirius's opinion, Remus actually looked really nice in his new robes.

"How long is this going to last?" Remus asked uncomfortably as they walked along the seventh floor corridor. He certainly wasn't enjoying this, but at least he was being a good sport about it.

"A few hours. More or less." Sirius grimaced as he walked into the Room of Requirement and saw the colorful decorations.

"Padfoot! Moony!" James yelled, then burst out laughing and hugged both of them. Sirius smiled, James had clearly already started drinking, and he hugged James back.

"This looks awful, Prongs," he added jokingly. "I suppose it was Lily's doing?"

James admitted with a smile that he had had problems controlling her when she decided to decorate the place. The door closed behind them and then they were all trapped inside the room. Immediately Sirius felt claustrophobic, and he sought out a drink. He was joined by the drinks table seconds later by Remus and Peter.

"Well, let's make the best of this, eh?" Peter said, finishing a glass in one drink and picking up another. Sirius and Remus mimicked him.

"Yeah, 'course," Remus said with a smile. Sirius drained his glass silently.

- - - - - - -

Sirius was in a concealed corridor outside the room rubbing awkwardly at his groin where he was trying to alleviate his raging hard on. Now he was really wishing he hadn't come to the stupid party purely for the reason why he needed to take care of this particular problem. There hadn't been a problem until he had seen James, Lily, Remus, and a few others over in a corner playing some game. It hadn't been James but rather Remus, looking extremely delicious in his new robes, that had caused Sirius to need to finish his drink in some privacy.

Sirius felt his release and leaned against the wall breathing hard. He hadn't thought of another person in that way since James, and even though he tried to convince himself that he no longer had feelings for James he thought that his resolve was wearing thin. Surely the fact that he was even trying so hard to convince himself in the first place was a sign that he did actually still feel the same way. Unfortunately, James clearly didn't. Walking around hand in hand with Lily, snogging her in corridors and in the common room when it was mostly empty…

Suddenly Sirius felt like he needed to find Remus. If for nothing else to at least prove to himself he could move on from James. He pulled the Marauder's Map out of his pocket and found that Remus wasn't far him, alone in his own empty corridor. Sirius tapped the map again and set off.

"Are you hiding?"

Remus jumped and looked over at the door that should have been hidden behind a tapestry. Sirius was standing there, smiling, his arms crossed over his chest.

Remus swallowed. "No. Just didn't feel like being around people anymore."

Sirius's eyes traveled over Remus and his smile grew slightly. "Then why not go back up to the common room, instead of sitting in here drinking alone?" He walked over to Remus, letting the tapestry fall into place behind him and leaned against the wall next to his friend.

Remus didn't answer, but shook his head and asked his own question. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you, Moony."

"Why?"

"To see if you'd had enough to drink."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you hadn't had anything to drink you probably wouldn't let me do this…" And with that Sirius leaned in, placed his hands on both sides of Remus's face, and kissed him. He was thrilled when Remus moved closer, kissing him back and pushing Sirius's legs apart so he could settle himself in between them. Sirius groaned when Remus pulled him so close that his groin pressed into him, but then Remus started to pull away.

"Sirius, wait - "

"If you don't want this, just tell me to stop."

But Remus couldn't. He wanted this very much. Sirius took his silence for consent and pulled him close again.

Remus started kissing Sirius's jaw line, moving onto his neck. Then he ran his hands down Sirius's front. He grabbed a hold of Sirius's shirt and untucked it from his pants. Remus placed a hand on the back of Sirius's neck and pulled him into another kiss, while his other hand undid Sirius's pants and slipped inside. Sirius moaned into the kiss as Remus started stroking his shaft, slowly building momentum.

Remus was fully enjoying himself, feeling his own hard on coming on strong. He broke away from Sirius's mouth to start kissing his neck, his shoulders, pausing to nibble at his collarbone, and then pushing up Sirius's shirt to kiss his stomach. Sirius's eyes were closed throughout all of it, his arms resting lightly on Remus's shoulders as Remus knelt down. Suddenly he felt cold air below his waist and his arms tensed as he grasped Remus's shoulders and looked down. Remus had pulled Sirius's pants down just a little and he was currently kissing his pleasure trail, slowly making his way towards Sirius's hard cock. Sirius closed his eyes again and waited patiently, but not unhappily, for Remus to get there.

However, Remus had lost his patience. Sirius, his eyes still closed, frowned slightly when he felt the pressure of Remus's hand leave, then he gasped aloud as Remus took him in his mouth. Remus started bobbing up and down, keeping the pace with which his hand had left. Sirius tilted his head back and gripped Remus's hair because he felt like he needed to hold on to _something_. He felt the pressure start to build, and although Remus was picking up speed, Sirius didn't think it was going to be fast enough. It was close to torture, yet it was blissful pleasure. His back started to arch. He needed to release, and soon.

"Remus…soon…" Was all he could manage. Remus laughed a little, and the vibration Sirius felt was insane. He reached out one hand to grip the wall and the other was still placed behind Remus's head. Remus could feel Sirius throbbing in his mouth and knew that he was close to coming, but he wanted to make this last. When he gave it a second thought, he realized they were in a corridor that wasn't exactly a secret, and although most people were at the party there was nothing stopping someone from walking in at any moment. The thought made Remus groan, which then caused Sirius to whine, "Oh…god…" and Remus felt Sirius explode in his mouth. Remus swallowed everything, licking everywhere to get any he had missed, and when he looked up he saw Sirius gazing at him.

Remus stood up and kissed Sirius, then asked, "How was that, Padfoot?"

"Wow," was the only thing Sirius was capable of saying, because at that moment he realized he had been imaging James the whole time. He slowly reached down to tuck his shirt back in when Remus grabbed his hands and stopped him.

"Hold on, I'm not done with you yet."

"Huh?" Sirius asked, still a little dazed.

Remus smiled and leaned in to whisper in Sirius's ear, "I'm bored with this party. Meet me in the dormitory in a couple minutes?" He pulled away and added, "Don't worry about your clothes, no one will notice and you won't be in them for long." He winked and started towards the tapestry. Before he opened it he said, "And just for the record, I would have done that even if I hadn't had anything to drink." And he left.

Sirius waited a couple minutes, going back to the Room of Requirement only to help himself to another drink. No one looked twice at him, and he made his way up to the dormitory. He opened the door and closed it softly behind him, tapping the knob with his wand and locking it. Remus was sitting on Sirius's bed, grinning at him.

Sirius smiled back. "Hey Moony," he said.


	7. A Welcome Revisitation

Remus didn't take it too badly when Sirius managed to tell him the night before was only a one-time thing. He even seemed to agree that it was for the best, which Sirius was incredibly grateful for. He was already spending too much time trying to avoid James, although hopefully as inconspicuously as possible, and he didn't want to have to do the same to Remus. Now that he knew he still had feelings for James he couldn't bear being with him for too long, especially if Lily was there too. Which she almost always was.

A side effect of not spending much time with his best friend was that Sirius was actually getting decent marks on his school work. The Professors were pleased, but if they thought this change would bring Sirius's mood up they were wrong. He was constantly sullen and sat towards the back of the class brooding. Peter and Remus had noticed the change in their friend, but as neither of them knew what had happened between him and James they couldn't place the reason for Sirius's moodiness.

James, on the other hand, only just realized there was something off about his best friend when he didn't show up for a Quidditch match one Saturday. It had been an important game, Slytherin against Ravenclaw, and it had been an exciting one too. Both teams were incredibly well matched, and the outcome would decide who would take the lead for the Quidditch Cup. When the game first started and Sirius wasn't there James was sure he was just running a little late, but as the match went on and his friend still hadn't arrived James was slightly worried, but mostly annoyed.

He stomped into the Gryffindor Common Room and looked around, but it was deserted. Everyone was still making their way back from the pitch. James started climbing the stairs, his temper rising, and he actually started hoping Sirius had been kidnapped or grievously injured somehow. _How _he could _willingly _miss such an important match was beyond James. Unfortunately when James threw open the door he saw that Sirius was lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, no noticeable misfortune had befallen him.

Sirius saw James shove the door open and sat up slowly, wondering what could have upset him so badly.

"All right, Prongs?"

" '_All right'?" _ James thundered. Sirius stared wordlessly at his friend. "You missed the match! Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin!"

"Oh," Sirius said.

" 'Oh'? _That's _all you have to say?"

"James, calm down. It was just a match."

" 'Just a match' he says! 'Just a match'! This match decided who would be in the lead! Why didn't you go?"

"I just didn't feel like it."

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Then what do you mean you 'didn't feel like it'?"

"I just wasn't in the mood, James," Sirius was starting to get a little annoyed now. Everything revolved around Quidditch with James. Well, Quidditch and _Lily._ "All those people, yelling and cheering, it just didn't sound appealing this morning."

James stared incredulously at his friend. "What's gotten into you, Padfoot?"

The nickname felt like a needle to Sirius, but it was a sign James was calming down at least. "Nothing, just – nothing."

James walked over to his bed and sat down, still watching Sirius. He tried thinking about what could possibly be upsetting him so badly, but he didn't know anything that was going that could make him feel like this. Then it hit him: he didn't know _anything _that was going on with Sirius anymore. He spent all his free time with Lily nowadays, and he'd been neglecting his friends more and more. Remus and Peter hadn't said anything, of course, but Sirius was his best friend. It would affect him more than them, and James should've realized.

Suddenly James felt ashamed for his outburst. He was entirely to blame, but how could he correct it? "Hey, Padfoot, what are you doing for the rest of the day?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Well, I was walking along the fourth floor the other day and I think I found a corridor or something that isn't on the Map."

This seemed to do the trick. Sirius looked over at James and his expression was a little more alert. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, wanna check it out tonight? We can't go during the day, too many people."

"Sure, should we tell Moony and Wormtail?"

"Nah, I thought just the two of us, so we can take the Cloak. And we got some catching up to do." James winked at Sirius before he got up and left. Sirius remained on his bed, feeling real excitement and happiness for the first time in a long time.

"No one there, let's do it now," James whispered to Sirius as he draped his Invisibility Cloak over them. They walked quietly down the corridors, making their way to the fourth floor. Sirius hadn't remembered it being so difficult to move under the Cloak, but then again it had been some time since they had had reason to use it.

James knew this was a good idea from the instant he saw Sirius's face when they met in the common room at midnight. He actually looked younger, and he was beaming across his face like James hadn't seen him do for such a long time. They didn't talk much as they roamed the halls, not wanting to be heard by the Prefects on duty. As they arrived at the fourth floor James stopped Sirius in front of a blank wall that looked the same all down the corridor.

Sirius frowned. "You sure about this?"

"Sh, hang on," James checked the Map, making sure no one was nearby, and he pulled off the Cloak. "It was down here a little, just watch the Map while I look for it."

Sirius took the Map from him and watched it, as James studied the wall. "What are you looking for?"

"I just barely noticed it, but there was a section that looked like just a slightly different color from the rest of the wall."

"How will you be able to tell at night?"

"Yeah, well…I hadn't really thought of that. I was mostly concerned about opening a secret passage in a wall in front of a bunch of people."

"Okay, okay. Just hurry up."

James searched the wall for the section he had noticed, but he couldn't seem to find the exact spot. He couldn't quite remember where he had noticed it. Fortunately they seemed to be having some good luck on the Prefect front: not a single Prefect had come by on patrol. This was lucky for several reasons, because this particular branch of the fourth floor was extremely narrow, really only meant as a shortcut to the fifth floor and not as a means to get from class to class.

While he looked, James kept asking Sirius questions about different things. Pointless small talk, which Sirius wished he would stop making, but he thought James actually _wanted _to talk about this. So he answered his questions about his school work and various things about Remus and Peter.

"Say, you know Sarah, that fifth year?" James asked.

"The Prefect?"

"Yeah, her. She sure has been hanging around Remus a lot lately."

"I guess," Sirius hadn't really noticed, as he had been absorbed in his own misery for the last few weeks.

"Lily reckons she fancies him."

Sirius's face hardened. "Yeah, well he's pretty fanciable," he said before he could stop himself.

James took a second to glance at Sirius. "Really? Moony?"

Sirius knew what he was getting at and tried to correct himself. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I was just saying…never mind. Poor Sarah, though," Sirius chuckled to himself as he remembered the one night he had spent with Remus.

"Why? What are you talking about?" James was thoroughly confused.

"Well, she's fairly innocent, isn't she?"

"I dunno, is she?"

"You know, _innocent._"

"Oh, I guess so, yeah. Never seen her with anyone before." James couldn't figure out why Sirius was finding this so amusing.

"If anything happens with them, she certainly won't be innocent for long." Sirius couldn't help but laugh a little again.

James frowned and crossed his arms. "How would you know?"

"Well," Sirius shifted uncomfortably. He hadn't meant for _this _to come up at all tonight. "We sort of – snogged a bit."

"You and _Moony?_"

"Yes, why is that so hard to believe?"

"I just never thought he – when was this?"

"Um, during the Christmas party."

James looked like he was trying to solve an extremely difficult jigsaw puzzle in his head. "Is that it? You two just snogged?"

"Well, no…"

"Did you shag?"

Sirius was surprised at the suddenness. "Why does it matter?"

"Answer the question, Sirius."

"Yes, but so what? Nothing came of it."

James turned back to the wall and started studying it again. Sirius didn't know what to make of his friend's reaction. Then James laughed a little and Sirius relaxed.

"Who was better?"

"What?"

"Come on, Padfoot, just between us. Who was better?"

Sirius could tell James was trying to lighten the situation, so he followed his lead. "Well, Prongs, he _is _a werewolf. He's pretty animalistic."

James looked hurt but Sirius could tell he was faking. "You bastard!" James yelled.

"James, be quiet!" But they were both finding it hard to stifle their laughter. Sirius glanced down at the Map and saw a Prefect approaching.

"Damn! Under the Cloak, quick," James said, throwing the Cloak over them.

"Do we have time to get out of the corridor?" Sirius asked, but a Prefect appeared at the end of the hall before James could answer him.

Sirius was standing in front of James, both of them watching the Prefect slowly make his way down the corridor, wand alit. Sirius glanced at James as James looked back at him, both of them smiling at the sudden adrenaline rush they had missed so much. As the Prefect neared, however, they realized that as seventh years they took up much more room in the corridor than they did when they were younger. Sirius pressed himself against James and James pulled him as close as possible, trying to allow enough room for the Prefect to walk by. Of course he had to walk down the middle of the corridor, no one ever walked off to the side.

The Prefect paused, examining a stretch of wall and a painting. Sirius had to stop himself from sighing anxiously, and settled for putting his head on James's shoulder. James was chuckling silently at Sirius's action, his arms still around Sirius. While leaning on his shoulder, Sirius realized how good James smelled, and as he breathed in deeply he realized in horror that he was getting hard. That damned Prefect hadn't moved yet, but Sirius knew James would notice his erection soon. He tried to think of something, _anything_, to get his mind off of James's muscular shoulder and the fact that he was pressed against him more tightly than he had been in months.

But everything about this position felt so wonderful. Sirius didn't want it to end, but he didn't think James would feel so comfortable if he knew what Sirius was feeling.

Except… no, that couldn't be… was James getting hard too? Yes, he definitely was, Sirius could feel it. He didn't dare look James in the face, there could be any number of reasons why James was getting aroused right now. Just the memory of them together like this, perhaps. Or even something completely unrelated to Sirius – he could be getting off on the danger for all Sirius knew.

The Prefect had finally started moving again, and as he walked past them Sirius breathed out a sigh of relief. He felt James's arms tighten around him and realized that, in his position, he had breathed across James's neck. Sirius started to pull away now that Prefect had gone by, but James didn't drop his arms.

Sirius finally looked at James just as the Prefect left the corridor. James had a gleam in his eyes Sirius hadn't see in such a long time, but he knew exactly what it meant. That was the look James got when he was turned on. Sirius swallowed and tried to pull away again, but James's arms were locked around him.

"James," Sirius whispered, but that's all he got out before James's lips were crushing down on his own. They were kissing like they hadn't done in months, and Sirius certainly wasn't complaining about the way James's hands were tangling themselves in his hair and pulling. He gripped James to him, possibly pulling him closer to him than he had been when the Prefect had gone by.

James spun them around so he was pushing Sirius up against the wall, grinding his hips against his friend. He couldn't believe he was feeling like this – there was so much more passion than there ever was with Lily –

Lily.

Suddenly James stopped and pulled away. He couldn't do this to Lily. Sirius was taken aback at the abruptness but didn't say anything, not knowing exactly what _to_ say. They both stood there panting, trying to catch their breath.

James spoke first. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I can't do this. Lily… I can't do this to Lily. I love her."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I'm sorry too, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"It was nothing, right? Just adrenaline from almost being caught."

Sirius definitely didn't feel that way, but he nodded regardless. If that was how James felt, then he didn't need to know what Sirius was thinking.

"Just adrenaline," James muttered to himself.


	8. It's Only the Beginning

It was some years later. Sirius was walking briskly through Godric's Hollow on his way to see James and Lily, and the summer evening was coming to a close. As Sirius drew closer to a house that would be hidden to most other people, a sign propped out front caught his attention. He paused to read it, and chuckled to himself. "The Potters," it read. At once Sirius knew it had to have been James's idea, it was exactly the cheeky thing he would find amusing: hardly anyone would even be able to see the sign, and the few who could see it would already know whose house it was.

Shaking his head Sirius walked up to the door and knocked. A moment later Lily opened the door. "Sirius! We weren't expecting you for another couple hours."

"I couldn't wait to see my favorite godson," Sirius said with a smile.

Lily smiled back. "Harry will be delighted to see you."

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it here sooner," Sirius said, stepping inside.

"Oh don't worry about it, we know how busy you lot are. We're glad you were able to visit at all."

"Remus wanted me to let you know he's going to try to make it sometime next week."

"Oh lovely!"

Lily led the way to the living room and Sirius followed. When they entered he saw a grown man kneeling on the floor in front of a child's playpen, and a small child sitting in the pen playing with a wand.

"Harry, please, give daddy back his wand," James pleaded with his son. Sirius couldn't stop a small smile from appearing on his face. Harry laughed again, a high-pitched sound that was clearly full of happiness and enjoyment.

Lily cleared her throat. "James?"

James looked over at her, a smile on his own face, and then his eyes fell on Sirius. Several emotions flitted across his face: shock, joy, confusion, and then joy again as he jumped up and crossed the room to his best friend. He threw his arms around Sirius very enthusiastically, and Sirius staggered and had to take a step back to balance himself.

"Steady on, Prongs."

"You said you were coming at six!"

"Got away a bit early."

James finally released him as Lily approached with Harry in her arms.

"Ah, look here!" Sirius said. "How's my favorite little man?" Lily deposited the baby into Sirius's waiting arms. "He's gotten so big since I last saw him."

"Lily doesn't stop feeding him," James said.

"I feed him when he's hungry, James."

"Which is all the time. He's going to be one spoiled little kid."

"Oh, James, he's going to be fine. Just because _you_ were spoiled doesn't mean he will be. He'll have a normal life and be raised nice and proper."

James shook his head and smiled at Sirius. "Yes, dear."

A warm breeze drifted past and blew his cloak out behind him. Despite the heat Remus shivered, and drew his cloak closer around him. It wasn't much of a cloak, in fact there was hardly any of the original cloak left as most of it had been repaired with patches, but being out of work for quite a while forced Remus to put his funds towards more important items.

Lights flashed up ahead as a building suddenly materialized. There were three Muggles on the street and none of them noticed the building's sudden appearance. Remus hadn't expected them to see it, but he breathed a sigh of relief nonetheless. When he knocked on the door he heard some scuffling inside, then he saw Lily's slightly nervous but expectant face peer through the window at him. He smiled and waved at her, and she smiled back then vanished. A few moments later the door opened and Lily greeted him with a friendly hug.

"Oh, Remus, thanks for coming. James has been so agitated just sitting here all day long, everyday," she pulled him inside and took his cloak to hang it up. "Sirius said you'd be visiting. Peter was by only a few days ago, but James just isn't meant to be kept in like this."

"I don't doubt that," Remus replied warmly. "I'm sorry I haven't been to visit earlier, but it's hard to find work when you're – well…" He trailed off, but Lily seemed to know he'd been about to say "When you're a werewolf."

"Don't worry, James will just be happy you're here to distract him. And Harry will be so excited to see you!"

"Let's not keep them waiting then," Remus said as he followed her to the living room.

"James, Remus is here."

James looked up from the paper he was reading. "Moony! It's so good to see you." He got up from the chair and gave Remus a hug.

"You too, James. It's been too long."

"How's everything going at headquarters?"

"Nothing's really changed."

"I suppose that's somewhat good."

"It's not really good or bad."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Come into the kitchen and get something to drink."

Remus followed James into the kitchen and watched as he opened the fridge. James took out two bottles of butterbeer, popped them open, and handed one over to Remus.

"Cheers," Remus said, before drinking half of it in one go. "So how have you been?"

James shook his head and gestured around the room. "Feeling caged."

Remus frowned. "If anyone knows how you feel, James, it's me."

"I know, I just wish I was able to get once in a while."

"I know you do, but Albus is right. You and Lily need to stay safe so you can protect Harry."

"Albus knows about my cloak, though. He knows I can use it to go about and not be seen. Just to get out and get some fresh air, you know?" James snorted. "Hell, he's examining it, so maybe when he returns it he'll tell me I can use it to go outside."

Remus doubted it, but knew better than to say so. He drank from his butterbeer, and when he'd finished it James handed him another.

"How's Sirius?" James asked.

Remus thought there was an odd tone in James's voice, but ignored it. "Fine. Actually, since he came back from visiting you he seems a little troubled about something."

"What?"

"I'm not sure, anytime anyone asks him about it he's says he's fine. Perhaps he's upset about your situation as well."

James nodded, but he looked as if he was a thousand miles away.

"James? Did something happen while Sirius was here?"

"No," James said a little too quickly. "What do you mean?"

Now Remus was getting very curious. "Nothing, I was just wondering why Sirius is behaving like he is, and why you jump at the mention of something happening with him."

James looked nervous. "It's nothing, Moony."

"James, this is me you're talking to. You can tell me anything."

James still looked nervous, but he nodded. "You're right. Of course you are. There's no reason we didn't tell you, of course, I guess we just…didn't want it getting out."

"What are you talking about?"

James sighed. "Sirius and I were together in school."

"You mean…like in a relationship?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Remus didn't know why this was supposed to matter now and he didn't know what to say. James looked like he was in desperate need of consolation, so Remus decided he needed to say something. "Are you—uh, are you guys still…?"

"No! It stopped before our seventh year. Well, there was one time when we sort of…snogged, but it was just the once and that's all we did."

"James, you were with Lily for nearly all of our seventh year."

"Yeah…she doesn't know." James looked pleadingly at Remus. "Please don't say anything. That one time was the only time he and I did anything after we broke up."

"You gotta tell her the truth."

"We only _snogged_," James said quietly, not wanting Lily to overhear. "Remus, the reason I even told you this was because I think I still have feelings for him."

"You _what_?"

"I know, but after I saw him last week I remembered all the reasons why I wanted to be with him in the first place. Please, Remus, I don't know what to do."

Remus shook his head. "I can't help you, James. You need to figure out what _you_ want to do."

"When you go back, can you tell Sirius I need to see him? I think we'd better talk. There's no sense in throwing away everything I have if he doesn't even feel the same way. 'Cause I do love Lily, you know."

"I believe you. And I'll tell him to come visit again soon."

"Thank you, Moony."

Sirius set out for Godric's Hollow for the second time in two weeks. He was nervous about this visit, though, because Remus had told him it was very important that Sirius go and visit James again, but he wouldn't say why. Sirius very much hoped nothing was wrong.

Before Godric's Hollow, though, Sirius needed to stop by Peter's. He hadn't been showing up to the meetings and Sirius had arranged to check on him. He Apparated to the street Peter lived on, and walked up to his house. Sirius knocked on the door and waited. There wasn't even a sound inside, and Sirius knocked again. Still there was nothing, so Sirius tried to open the door. It was unlocked, and turned easily in his hand.

Sirius's sense of unease grew. He opened the door and walked in, prepared to see furniture overturned and the place a mess, but it wasn't. Everything was fine. For some reason this didn't do anything to quiet Sirius's discomfort. He searched the house, calling for Peter, but there wasn't an answer. No one was home.

Immediately Sirius Apparated to Godric's Hollow. He hurried down the street for James and Lily's house, passing by other houses that were decorated for Halloween. As he turned onto the street that headed straight for their house his fears were confirmed, because he could already see the house. There was no popping into existence this time, it was just there. And even more, it was smoking. Sirius ran down the road toward the house of his best friend.

* * *

Abrupt ending, much?

Ha, sorry about that. But yes, this is the end. We all know what comes next. I had such a difficult time writing this chapter because I wanted to continue the nice, fluffy relationship between James and Sirius, but canon ended up winning.

Hope you enjoyed it regardless!  
Thanks for reading :)


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